This Week's Report
by Mark Sampson

January 1, 2010

Last week a power saw of mine quit working while I was using it to cut a piece of lumber. There was no apparent reason for the tool to quit, for a change, I was even using it for a job it was designed for. But there I was in the middle of a cut when it suddenly shut-off as quickly as if had been unplugged. Aside from the hassle of having to grab another saw to finish the job, the malfunction didn't upset me too much because having purchased the broken tool just eight months ago I knew that all I had to do was take it back to where I got it from and I'd be given new one on the spot. Guarantees are good!

Particularly in these economic times consumers pretty much expect guarantees before they'll shuck out their hard-earned cash, and those vying for business are usually very willing to offer assurances of 100% satisfaction. Such claims can be very realistic when applied to products and many services; either the toaster works or it doesn't, the car was fixed or it wasn't, if not we visit "customer service" to get a refund or have someone make things right. In this man-made environment, by waving a few dollars we have the power to insist things go our way. But sportsmen know that it doesn't work that way in the natural world. Regardless of how much money or desire they have there's no way anyone can guarantee that a fish will bite a hook, a flock of ducks will come to decoys, or a trophy buck will walk under a tree stand.

Certainly, resources and skill can combine to enhance the chance for a successful outcome, but it's impossible to truthfully assure anyone that they will make a catch or kill. Regardless of how good the fishing or hunting has been, every day is a new one, fish and game can move-on, stop feeding, or whatever and that's the end of it. Experienced hunters and anglers know and accept this uncertainty and welcome it as a part of the mystery and challenge of our pursuits, and it's what defines us as "sportsmen" and separates us from those who go out on the water or into the field with only the goal of harvesting a meal. As much as sportsmen would like to achieve their goal of catching or killing whatever it is they have their sights set on, most really don't want a guarantee of the outcome as that might insinuate that there's a deer tied to a tree waiting for a point-blank shot, or a fish with a hook already in its mouth just needing to be reeled-in. We want the uncertainty and we need some sort of challenge to legitimize the difference between our sport and a trip to the Food Lion for groceries.

For these reasons I'm always both suspect and ashamed when I hear of captains or guides soliciting fishing or hunting clients by baiting them with any kind of a guarantee of what they will catch or kill. I've been fishing and hunting a long time and no matter how good the conditions are or the action has been there has never been and never will be a day when I depart with 100% certainty of what the day will bring. As a charter fishing captain, potential clients sometimes ask me if we guarantee fish. My answer is always the same, "Even if I had a school of starving fish in a barrel I couldn't guarantee they'd bite." Granted, sometimes the fishing is so good that I'll happily report that there's a very-very good chance they'll have an exceptional catch, but the only guarantee I'll give is that we'll give our best effort, after that I guess it's up to God.

But as the lure of sport fishing draws to it both those who might be duped by such absurd claims and those who know better, there has always been a few in our industry willing prey upon the unknowing. Such tactics typically surface in areas where competition for clients is stiff. South Florida is a good example. In an area where it would seem that every-other vessel afloat is fore hire, and there's an endless stream of tourists looking for something to do, some captains have stooped to the level of telling folks whatever is necessary to get them on the boat, and in this age when folks are so accustomed to having everything they pay for to have some kind of assurance that comes along with it, a guaranteed catch can be an effective draw.

Those who book a "guaranteed" trip would do well to first read the fine print before embarking on such a trip. That is, if there is any "print" of any size regarding the guarantee. Usually the only written evidence of such a claim will be in the boat's promotional material or maybe from the lips of the captain or mate as they try to talk someone into booking with them. One guy I knew down in the Keys used to advertise "Guaranteed Tarpon or Your Money Back!" The claim would draw some pigeons, but not all were happy as they left the boat having discovered that the guarantee was that they would "hook" a tarpon, and by the captain's standards "hooking" a tarpon could mean no more than something whacked the bait and pulled the line tight for a second or two. Even though the bite could have been from a shark, snapper, barracuda, or even a snag, the captain was always sure it was from a tarpon and no one could hold him to blame if the customer couldn't keep it on the line! That fellow came home skunked just as many times as anyone else did, but I don't think he ever refunded a dime.

Another way to work the scam is for a captain to offers a free trip to those who don't catch fish. Here again, with nothing in writing the captain has a lot of wiggle room and that "free trip" might only be available at a very inconvenient time for the customer. If you're on vacation for a week but the captain can't fit your next trip in for a couple months the offer of a free trip doesn't do you much good - and he knows it! I had some guys fishing with me once who had been duped a few years before by a captain who advertised "No Fish - No Pay." They went offshore targeting tuna, billfish and sharks but caught nothing. On the way home the boat suddenly slowed to a stop and the mate handed one of the fellows a light rod and instructed him to drop the line to the bottom. Before he knew it he had hooked a small seabass and the captain was announcing, "Well, at least we didn't get skunked!" Of course what he meant was that now they would have to pay him in full because they did indeed catch a fish.

I bring all this up now for two reasons. First, because this time of the year a lot of folks go fishing while they are traveling and are not always aware of the reputation of someone they might choose to book a trip with. Second, while Delmarva sportsmen have been mostly spared the insult of such deceptive promotional schemes, I've recently seen advertisements by those who are willing to use the "G" word to bring them more business. Let the buyer beware - reputable fishermen and guides don't need to offer guarantees. And let the captains and guides beware - experienced sportsmen don't want one!